Michael and Martellus Bennett are terrifyingly huge when it comes to the gridiron. Michael, a Super Bowl champ with the Seahawks, is a 6’4″, 274-pound defensive end. Brother Martellus is a 6’7″, 273-pound tight end now playing for the Patriots. But don’t let their stature fool you — they got jokes.
In an in-depth interview with ESPN’s Mina Kimes, the Bennett brothers played a little word association with some of the biggest names in football, and no one was spared their wrath.
If there’s an unspoken rule in the NFL against roasting other players, the Bennetts break it every day. What follows is a non-comprehensive list of their takes on various figures in football:
Michael: “Worst quarterback in the NFL.”
Martellus: “I’d be open and he’d throw into double coverage,” says Martellus, who spent the past three seasons as Cutler’s teammate in Chicago.
Martellus: “Eli? He’s cool. He’s like a normal white guy you see at the park trying to teach his kids how to play soccer and you know he can’t really play soccer himself.”
Martellus: “If a QB went 7 — 9, he’d never be able to find a job.”
Michael: “Make sure he’s in the NFC West.”
Michael: “I’ve got more sacks than he’s got touchdowns.” (This is accurate.)
Martellus: “I’ve caught more balls than he’s completed.” (Also accurate.)
Martellus: “Joel Osteen.”
Michael: “Tom Cruise. I feel like Pete Carroll is like Benjamin Button. He doesn’t want to get old. He’s getting younger every year. What is going on?”
Martellus: “That’s what money does.”
Michael: “A–hole. Nah, I’m just joking — you can’t say that. Overpaid.”
Michael: “Dominant player.”
Martellus: “Corny. Half of the NFL is corny, though.”
Michael: “People love J.J. Watt, but they don’t really like J.J. Watt, know what I’m saying?”
Michael: “The greatest quarterback in the NFL.”
Martellus: “Vicious. Competitive.”
Michael: “A real Joe Montana.”
Martellus: “The silver fox you never get to see but you hear about. You only get to take one photo, and you have to stay outside for a year just to get it.”
Martellus: “I hated Jason Witten. I appreciated his game, but I always hated him.”
Michael: “Probably the quarterback I like to hit the most.”
Solid roasting, gentleman.